Beautiful Mistake

12:37AM

Where to start... where to start....
To be honest I dont even know...
So much has changed for the best I hope. Ive been dating Chris for almost a year now and Ive been working at TJ Maxx, an ok place to work, for a little over half a year. Christmas was pretty good, I got a promise ring from Chris. I got him a digital camera... but it was just wierd not spending christmas with my family, I did and I didnt...

But now Ive been busy with school and everything else... And trust me I have a full schedule next semester.. I have three classes every day and then I am working at night... so it goes

Internet marketing 8:30-9:00AM
Short Story WS 11-12:15
Biology 1:00-3:29

And then I work 5:00 - 10:00PM

Thats a pretty long day add the 45 minute drive in the morning and in the afternoon from manchester to henniker, then henniker to manchester... its about just enough time to get dressed and go to work lol! Oh well it'll be rough but I can do it. I think.... If i cant ill just have to drop a class and take another one in the summer. No biggie.

BUT I MADE DEANS LIST! YAY 3 B's and 2 A's!

And I have my own car now! Fixed and everything!

I have some pictures I am going to post when school starts back up again! Until then, your all in my thoughts and I love you all dearly.

If anybody knows anything or just wants to chat give me a call 236=9110!
Love you all
~Bethy

9:54PM

That is one motto I wish I could live by...
All the things I want in life...
I guess seem very important at the time, but then when I get it, I realize I didn't really want it anyway...
Either that or I realize that I didnt need it to live my life.

What I want is to know that things are going to get better...
As Serah Carter said "Karma sucks".
And I wish so badly that it didnt.

I could go on with the list of needs the family needs...

1. 2 new cars so my brothers doesnt break down and so my poor mom can have her car back the one that I am using..
2. good health, my dads a diabetic with two bad legs, my moms stress is going to be the death of her... she hurt her back today, her leg is hurting her, shes been having stomache pains... she lost her vision once but it came back when she started to relax.... im worried..
3. ect. ect.

But what I wish for the most, is that selfish people shouldnt get the things we need... or take away the things we already have.

Life is hell, but at the same time it is the most wonderful thing...
They never said life was easy...
But I really fuckin wish it was...

~bethy

9:11AM - Cant wait

Hey Everybody, Right now I am sitting here waiting for a class to start, it has been a wicked wicked long week for me... wednesdays I have straight classes until 3:45 and than afterwards I have to work. And than the homework is sometimes very over-whelming.. plus my boss dissing me out isnt really helping anything... but on the up=side I did see Michelle and Serah this weekend and had fun hanging out with them. I miss you guys soo much and I cant wait to see you on spring vacation!

I might get a new job.. I am debating with myself... its not that I dont like it, its the fact that I am not getting paid on time and people are yelling at me about stupid shit... Its retarded... but whatev. I'll figure something out, I always do, I just wish I had a better job oppertunity. My RA wants me to stay at the gallery and everything, becuase she thinks it will look good on my transcript, but I dont really think thats a very important reason to stay at least not in my opinion...

What do you think?

<3 ~bethy

5:07PM

ugg this is ridicolous, because of the car accident my brother got into.. this girl is saying he owes her 1,400 dollars but they are gonna settle on just 500.00... its ridicolous.. Shes the one that stopped in the middle of the road.. not adam ugg.. i am so pissed... they have to save thier money for thier wedding..

UG! ~bethy

11:24PM

My grades are:

Art and Diversity A- (hurray!)
English 1010 A - (hurray again!)
Voice A
Computer Tech A- (yesss!!)
And than 2-d Design a B-! (WTH!!!)

Haha I wouldve gotten straight A's if it wasnt for darryl being way to critical of my brush strokes.. geez, the guy has like superman vision haha! aw whatev. My grades are AWESOME!

My classes for next semester are:

Writing 1020 (fun haha)
Voice (hurray!)
Art History Survey 1 (umm... *sweatdrop*)
Drawing I with darryl (*bigger sweatdrop*)
Into to Sociology (*hypervenalates*)
Way of science (*dies)

haha! So this semester looks a lot harder than next semester, but I can make it through... i hope.. haha!
I am gonna be working at the art gallery again so the workload shouldnt be too bad.
Its just gonna be a lil busy on my part! I have three classes mon and wed and two classes tues and thurs and two classes on friday... but thats okay, I can make it through..

I am still debating with myself on taking writing 1020 online or not..
~bethy

9:11PM - Adam and Nikki

Hey Everybody,
The good news is that my brother and his girlfriend are now getting married, they got engaged last night, so they are now fiance's! It is so wierd to see how fast time is going by...It feels like just a week ago they were at the dance and they became boyfriend and girlfriend. I am going to be a matron of honor!

I know this isnt about me,
But it makes me feel so lonely and like I am not going to find anybody and I think its because I am afraid and I push people away from me. That I am not sure of. But I want to find that special somebody to love. And hopefully I will find them sometime soon, and if I never ever find them and I die alone, than I will know that nobody could ever love someone like me and it was my fault. On a better note, call me im bored haha!

10:51AM

Hey guys,
This christmas was awesome! The fam. decided to each get each other two presents and it was an awesome idea, especially sense lately my fam. has been kinda short on cash. But I got some really cool stuff! And in January my mom is going to get a new car, so I might be stuck with her awesomely CD player installed happy-go-lucky but transmission is going car haha! Which would be fine with me lol!
For christmas we went to my aunt hopes house and had brunch with my grandma, dylan and uncle neil and than we went to my grandmas apartment to grab the deserts she made, we went to my grandpa's grave site to visit it for a little while and then we went to my uncle erics house to have desert and do the christmas swap.
My presents were: a pink sweatshirt and matching sweat pants from my mom, a happy bunny t-shirt that says "i just dont listen" from my dad and a nail set from my dad, an evanscence CD from my brother, POTC #2 from my brother, earrings and make up from Nikki. Than my grandma got me a black hoodie/shirt and a black shirt and two pairs of those stylish half pants that your suppose to wear with boots, I really like them! And than she got me a pair of sterling silver earrings and a pin that said "my lil angel" on it. hehe! And than I got a gas card from the swap and a 20.00 gift card to TJ max (*where im planning on getting those stylish boots haha*). So overall it was a really awesome christmas. My mom also stuffed some earrings in my stocking, cell phone jems, a wireless headset and three pairs of fuzzy socks haha! They are heaven! OH AND MY MOM IS GETTING MY TICKETS TO THE MCR CONCERT YAY! haha! I am so excited!
The only bad thing that happened is our tree fell over and some bulbs shattered... so that sucked, plus Brandy isn't feeling too good latly so most've the time we have to leave her outside... the poor pup.!
I met a guy named brian whose really cute.. and who knows what will happen right? haha!
I <3 ya all ttyl! ~bethy

7:22PM

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6:19PM - Please leave something in my christmas stocking!

( my xmas stocking )

9:45PM

The snowflakes fall to the ground,
Silent and slippery
The healing hasn't yet begun.
There will be no mistletoe for me.

The Christmas ortiments hang on the TV.
I am old enough to understand that they arent for me.
The only money in the bank is for christmas presents,
And the greedy wont make it on christmas eve.

So I hang my stocking on the wall between the kitchen
And the living room where the small Christmas tree sits.
And I wish my family a better life than this.
But what I dont realize, what I dont see.

Is that theres more meaning behind this Christmas tree.
Only one present for each child lays underneath the branchs
Spread out together they look like much more.
I lay out on the floor and look up at the wish the angels will head.

Dear Angel,

I wish for a Christmas with a blanket of snow.
A family whose happy with glow.
A mother whose worries are swept away
A father whose burdens are nothing to say.

And a brother who gets all his dreams need.
And a sister whose smiling so brightly.
I wish for the poor, to have a present to open,
A beautiful gift that none have ever spoken.

And for me, I wish for love on this Christmas Eve.

Sincerely, Bethany.

I close my eyes and go to bed.
I think of happy thoughts in my head.
I dream of a place where fantasties lie.
Where you can be anything you want.

As I wake up the next morning, there underneath the Christmas tree,
was a present that none could see.
A mother standing beside her children
The father smiling merrily.

A family that loved on Christmas Eve.
The mother's worries were swept away
The father's burdens were nothing to say
And a brother who gets all his dreams need.

And a sister-in-law whose smiling so brightly.
The snow fell so silently leaving a blanket
for the eye to see.
And the love filled the room from the top to bottom.
The family appreciated the tree on this lovely Christmas Day

They already had all they needed,
it was an unopened box in the corner of their mind.
For all to find.
The joy of Christmas!

~bethy

8:15PM

I feel the greatest disappointment in the world, not in anybody but myself... How could I still have feelings for a guy that hurt me... he seems to be moving on just fine, so why cant I? I had no feelings for him.. but if thats true than why this? I guess I dont know..

The answer isnt always so clear.. but I feel an emptiness in my heart where somebody should be.. and I can picture him in my mind.. and the guy that hurt me.. isnt him.. I know what I am looking for.. but than why am I letting him hold me back??

Is it because I have no confidence in myself..
I have been a complete bitch for the past couple of days and now I finally know why.. But it just doesnt make any more sense to me than it did when I didnt know..and I am trying to smile and say I am okay.. but the truth is that I am not okay...

I saw him just standing there.. and as I walked past, I looked down... and he said hey.. and i whispered hi.. and just kept walking.. but faster.. I wanted to get away.. and than I drove by him and he just looked at me.. and I looked ahead, I am not looking for a sensual relationship.. I am looking for somebody who loves me and means it. Is that so hard to ask?

I feel so torn..But I will be Ok.. I always am!
~bethy

5:38PM

More than ever

I need somebody right now more than ever..

yet nobody is there to tell me things will get better..

nobody is there to say I will be okay..

Its just me, and I dont even like me at the end of the day..

And I dont want to talk to people about this..

I want to talk to my best friends, the ones I miss..

Or somebody who cares about me,

Not somebody who thinks they know me..

Or somebody who wants to know me..

Somebody who already does know me.

Them, I really miss.

But if I had just one wish.

I would take the pain away.

And just close my eyes and lay.

Because tommorrow is a new day.

One that promises disappointment.

One that will make me see,

I know that people care.

And somebody is there at the end of the day.

Its me.

4:54PM - to my friends

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.

In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.

In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.

In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nick or Smelly Susan.

In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.

In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.

In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had.

In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.

In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who would go to a party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there.

In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.

In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a date to the prom.

In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college/university, assured you that you would get into that college/university, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go...

At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.

The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for university and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood , went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.

Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the
better of the two choices, holds your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear u p your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you!

Pass on to those friends of the past, and those of the future...and
those you have met along the way...[crying yet? oh there's more]

Thank you for being a friend. No matter where we go or who we become, never forget who helped us get there.

There's never a wrong time to pick up a phone or send a message telling your friends how much you miss them or how much you love them.

You know who you are, pass it on to someone who you want to remind.

So send this to all your friends and maybe those who aren't but just
w atch and see who sends it back.

If you love someone, tell them.
Remember always to say what you mean.

Never be afraid to express yourself. Take this opportunity to tell
someone what they mean to you. Seize the day and have no regrets.

Most im portantly, stay close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today and are what it's all about anyway. Pass this along to your friends. Let it make a difference in your day and theirs.

The difference between expressing love and having regrets is that the regrets may stay around forever.



THIS MESSAGE HAS BEEN SENT TO YOU
BECAUSE YOU MEAN SOMETHING TO SOMEBODY.
PLEASE SEND IT TO YOUR FRIENDS AND
THOSE THAT YOU LOVE. GROWING UP,
YOU WILL TRULY MEET THE FRIENDS
THAT WILL LAST A LIFETIME AND WILL
MEAN THE MOST TO YOU. YOUR FRIENDS WILL ALWAYS BE THERE FOR YOU.

Current mood: drained

3:30AM - Tattoo or no.. haha

Hey Everybody,

Here are the things I want to do/have to do during break:

1. Re-do two of my english 1010 papers, write a research paper and correct the mistakes in essay #3

2. Take the online computer class excel test

3. Hang out with my family on thanksgiving, we are going to berlin with babuska-grandma

4. Hang out with serah and holly!! (and maybe laura)

5. Go to work on tuesday and saturday.. blah

6. Relax!!

7. Read 150 pages and write an essay for A&D! I kinda procrastinated a little bit.. lol?? haha!

8. Sleep in!!

9. Get some solo's offline for May that I need to sing (If any of you have any ideas let me know right away! I was thinking Billie Holiday??)

10. Clean my car and save some of my money not only for gas, but for car parts haha! Stupid inspection!


Thats my top ten things to do this vacation haha!
Oh I got a cell my number is 464-9031! Call me anytime!
Also, I am thinking about getting a small tattoo around my calf.. its small.. its a little pair of angel wings and on it says live.laugh.love. but always dream! What do you guys think? <3 ~bethy

5:09PM - Crazy-filled head

Can we say sick of college right now? LOL! 

I am seriously thinking about freaking out, because I couldnt registar for classes because I had an imagenairy hold on my record and when I finally accomplished getting into the computer to registar, it said that most of the classes were taken. That means that all my classes that I was going to take, werent there anymore, they were full, which means no more people can take them.. which means I get stuck taking the ones nobody is going to be in... luckilly I was online talking to Moriah and we have some classes together, I really hate holds and financial aid offices lol!

Anyways, besides that things have been completely and outterly crazy! I have either had homework assignments or research papers or something out of the blue to do, but its okay, I have been able to keep up with everything and am getting all a's and b's! So it isnt too bad! I am actually making money working at the art gallery which is fun! And I finally am getting paid money in my account.. i'll tell you about that later lol!

So, I decided sense it is november and getting close to december that I should put up lights in my room and I did.. haha! It's very nice looking and I feel like I accomplished something, but on a better note, music lessons are going pretty good and I seem to be fitting into everything really well. I am making some new friends and trying to keep in contact with the old its just been so crazy!

This thanksgiving I am going to Aerol and It should be a lot of fun with my family.. I havent seen Angela in ages! I cant wait! Only like a week left until I am offically on thanksgiving vacation! YES! 

Love ya all!
~bethy

12:08PM

<center>
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<tr height="80" valign="middle"><td width="5"></td><td align="center"><font size="4" color="#000000"><b>angelbaby55's Halloween ...</b></font></td><td width="5"></td></tr>
<tr height="10"><td colspan="3"></td></tr>
<tr><td width="5"></td><td align="center">You will dress up as <b>A wombat</b>, despite earlier plans.</td><td width="5"></td></tr>
<tr><td width="5"></td><td align="center"><b>slpkntlogic247</b> will get you <font color="#FF0000">A book that lets you write your own destiny</font></td><td width="5"></td></tr>
<tr><td width="5"></td><td align="center"><b>lilmsprincess</b> will get you <font color="#FF0000">A poorly carved jack-o-lantern</font></td><td width="5"></td></tr>
<tr><td width="5"></td><td align="center"><b>chibiusa_yuy</b> will get you <font color="#FF0000">vanilla beans</font></td><td width="5"></td></tr>
<tr><td width="5"></td><td align="center"><b>blueeyeassassin</b> will get you <font color="#FF0000">A half-squeezed lemon</font></td><td width="5"></td></tr>
<tr><td width="5"></td><td align="center"><b>lilmsprincess</b> will get you <font color="#FF0000">a gummy frankenstein</font></td><td width="5"></td></tr>

<tr height="20"><td colspan="3"></td></tr>
<tr bgcolor="#000000" height="5"><td align="center" colspan="3" style="font-size: 8pt;"><a style="color: #FFFFFF;" href="http://www.quizgalaxy.com/quiz.php?id=140">'What will you get on Halloween?'</a> <font color="#FFFFFF">at</font> <a href="http://www.quizgalaxy.com" style="color: #FFFFFF;">QuizGalaxy.com</a></td></tr>
</table>
</center>

2:04PM

why are brothers such fucking assholes, especially when they dont live the way that they want to and that they are jealous of you... its not my fault my brother didnt go to college and is being an asshole about it, and its not my fault that my job isnt so good because i am going to college full time and working a few hours a week.. at least im making money ~bethy

5:23PM

hey guys...

lets just say god hates me..

yesterday in the parking lot my car broke down and wouldnt move.. my mom came and got me from the parking lot, we got home and my dad worked on my car..

... and my dad came to the conclusion that somebody is trying to kill me! my air hose, and spark plugs were disconnected and my tire on my right side back and right side front had no nuts, or bolts to connect it.. dad said it was a miracle that I didnt drive that off the lot or I probally would be dead right now.. he said that that was a really good thing.. because I had to go on the highway.. 60 miles per an hour people! Crazy.. maybe God wants to save me after all for some reason!

Well anyways, I am going car-searching and maybe buying a new car, if I can find somebody to take 100.00 a month I should be all set.. and I hate to say it but Ol' Baby Blue might have to get traded in... its the only option at this point...

but let me tell you i am soo paranoid right now haha! 

<3 ~bethy

P.S.  
I am totally over gordon and now I am moving on..

3:04PM

My car is dead..

It broke down outside the science building and now i have no way of getting to school unless mrs. steiner calls me tonight or my dad somehow fixes my car so it is driveable to at least get to all of my  classes on time... which one seems more reasonable.. i have no idea..

Just as if things werent bad enough they just keep getting worse..
I have come to the conclusion that god hates me.

~bethy

12:16PM

Dead.. that is one word that describes me right now.. i need people to talk to... somebody anybody.. i am so tired of being alone right now.

I feel used, still. And I am trying to put on a happy face, but my face is feeling tired of false smiles and nice words.. I want to scream, I want to shout, I want to feel something.. but right now all I feel is pain..

I feel like I am not fitting in at NEC very well.. I mean I know people but I barely ever see them, I see Moriah everyday and Tommy twice a week.. but besides that I just feel alone. 

I went to the writting conference yesterday to find out that I am not doing so well.. maybe it is the fact that I have always sucked at writting essays and spelling errors.. it just pisses me off how many essays you have to write a week.. it is CRAZY! lol! 

But anyways.. I feel like I am not going to find a good nice guy to be happy with. I am tired of these jerks always coming around and finding me to date. Why cant they go find another jerk to date.. I am so sick of assholes.

Anyways.. 
Im so crazy busy that I barely have time for myself. and when I do I have to do something, like go run erronds for my mom or for myself, work or do some kind of god-forsaken homework. But I know I need to do this for myself. Even though I keep changing my mind about what I want to do. It is just so fustrating and there are way to many choices out there. Through my life I have always been told I had a good voice, good heart, okay poetry skills and good picture taker.. where is that suppose to lead me too lol! 

Ok this is the end of bethanys i hate life rant haha!

Love ~bethy